(If you're sleeping are you dreaming
If you're dreaming are you dreaming of me?
I can't believe you actually picked me.)
(”Hi Justin, this is your mother, and it's 2:33 on Monday afternoon.
I was just calling to see how you were doing.
You sounded really uptight last night.
It made me a little nervous, and a l... and... well... it made me nervous, it sounded like you were nervous, too.
I just wanted to make sure you were really OK,
And wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication.
You know I love you, and...
Take care honey
I know you're under a lot of pressure.
See ya. Bye bye”)
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you loved me, just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah, ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
I’m sober now for three whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah, ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling, “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered, “How can you do this to me?”
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah, ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
For you
[Children voices:]
If you're sleeping are you dreaming,
If you're dreaming are you dreaming of me?
I can't believe you actually picked me
I still cry when I listen to this but now it’s for different reasons. Now it’s for a best friend who beat his addiction but got married and dropped me as a best friend. Now it’s for the guy I loved and watched fight every night and day to beat it while I was on the phone with him constantly. It’s for the one who said I could always count on him and left. I’ll always love him don’t doubt that for a minute. He did what he had to do. I miss you and love you forever David. Stay clean, stay strong
when I was 12 or 13 I had a pen pal named Samantha, she was a few years older than me living in another state. She had issues with addiction and suicidal thoughts, and I would stay up all night talking her through it. In a lot of ways, she became one of my best friends in a time when I had barely anyone. One day I stopped hearing from her, and ended up hearing from a mutual friend that she had killed herself while her parents were on vacation. This song still makes me think of her, 7 years later. I will always love you Sam, RIP ❤️